Bawling my head off

I couldn't sleep last night, my head was filled with a comment mentioned to me about my writing being an inspiration... I was restless wanting to send that person a reply... Expressing things I have been too afraid to think; let alone say...

I have been nervous about university (as you have probably read here time and time again). I love it, I really do, but sitting and listening to lectures or class discussion, or even the readings do not dictate grades.

I wrote a midterm on the 14th of October, it was a Friday... I passed up gong out to Chixdiggit to stay home and study (oh yea MS. Responsibility who would have thought).

I wrote my little heart out, I didn't touch on all the points I wanted to in the two short essays that I was requested to write, I did not have time to proof read, or reflect on my ideas. I wrote two essays in under 50 minutes,and I walked out, and began immediately thinking about the environmental Studies essay due on Monday.

I received my midterm back today, I immediately flipped to the back page, the mark wasn't there... I flipped to the front inside cover and I gasped.. Like a bright beacon in the night... An "A"

I know university grades do not reflect intelligence, simply the ability to ingest and regurgitate what is requested... In most cases... my Metalheads teased me with horrific thoughts of being a Christmas graduate... I had sincere self doubts, it's been a long while since I wrote a formal essay, or wrote something without spell checker handy..

I walked down the stairs from my English class with tears threatening to pour down my cheeks... I walked past the classroom and into the ladies washroom and I cried... I'm going to do this, I can do this.

I AM doing this...

My whole life is coming together so beautifully... I still am uncertain of what I did to deserve all this magnificence, and I cry now as I type these words... I wouldn't be able to do any of this wouldn't' the encouragement I have received and I would like to share an email my mom sent me last week just before I wrote this midterm, after correcting my Prose essay.

"I put in my corrections using () to denote the changes I made. I think you
should recheck all your quotations to make sure that they are correct.
Some things were just spellings. Others were punctuation.
Everything else is perfect.
you are doing a wonderful job, dear
Dad and I are so proud of you
We brag about you to all our friends.
Dad talked Junior and Wendy's ear off last night about how great you are doing in college.
Mitchell says hi.
Al and Neva have heard in nauseum, how great you are doing.
Even Mr. Dan asked.
Love you,
Mom
xoxoxo"


I have said it before and I say it again as the tears splash on this keyboard, I am without a single doubt in my mind the luckiest girl in the world.

I am an ordinary girl leading an extraordinary life.