4 in 1
HOW LAME-O is that?
can't write, can't think.. trying to concentrate..
After exams I am heading to Halifax for a week of debauchery.. Who's with me?
Sorry dudes I have started four posts.. they all involved me whining.. they are listed below
I can't say what I want or need to say...
I can't, I won't..
I am a ship adrift in a sea of confusion... (EMO KID!)
Shiny Disco Balls
My brain has been spinning in a million directions... I have no idea what I want right now-I keep trying to keep my concentration on school. I hate how people keep telling me I'm intelligent when I can't even remember basic things people should know. I hate that I am sucking so bad at Psych... I hate that I am whining.. cause I truly have an amazing life..
I am getting stir crazy...
I pulled a hair off my t-shirt today that was really long.. turns out it was still attached to my head.. and I realized.. it's my hair.. my hair is getting really long.. I talked to an old friend on messenger today.This guy I knew from Sask. He was looking at my display pic and going.. who is that? I have changed so much since living there... I had zero confidence.. I had short hair (like an inch) and I was ROUND.
I said something to my roommate about going from a size 20 in April to a buying size 13, a new skirt at Rietman's last week:
she says: "A TWENTY"
I say:"YEA"
her: "But I don't' remember you being fat!"
me :hehehehe"
Sarah:"Not that you were fat"
Jamie: "HAHAHHAHA, I still am"
Coolio
I want to commit more time to studying.. I want to lock myself in the dungeon this next week to really make an effort to do well on my exams... I want to stop being ashamed of my intelligence.
I want to stop being ashamed of my sexuality and body... It is NATURAL for a 24 year old woman to want to practise the biological imperative... constantly.. RIGHT?
I tried on a pair of pants I haven't had on since July... They are loose.. Oh yea baby! I haven't even been "sticking with the program" I am imagining if I did!
I am devising a routine for exam week, I am going to follow that goddamn routine.
I have a 1500 word essay to write tonight.. I have a project to complete tomorrow...
I have secrets... Why do strangers tell me the most intimate details of their life upon first meeting me?
Stop IT!
you are only making yourself more anxious. you are only complicating the situation.... you are not the good person that you pretend to be... you cannot move.. you cannot move!!! you cannot hide..you are an adult now, this is what you wanted.. stop running away like a child! you must face your demons..
YOU must stop being a melodramatic bitch...
why do these people read your words.. is this a glimpse into the reality of your life and mind? or is this just another mask, another layer over your already misconstrued face...
why can't you accept a compliment.. why are you so oblivious to their advances? Why are you so arrogant, and egotistical.. Have you changed? can you change?
can't write, can't think.. trying to concentrate..
After exams I am heading to Halifax for a week of debauchery.. Who's with me?
Sorry dudes I have started four posts.. they all involved me whining.. they are listed below
I can't say what I want or need to say...
I can't, I won't..
I am a ship adrift in a sea of confusion... (EMO KID!)
Shiny Disco Balls
My brain has been spinning in a million directions... I have no idea what I want right now-I keep trying to keep my concentration on school. I hate how people keep telling me I'm intelligent when I can't even remember basic things people should know. I hate that I am sucking so bad at Psych... I hate that I am whining.. cause I truly have an amazing life..
I am getting stir crazy...
I pulled a hair off my t-shirt today that was really long.. turns out it was still attached to my head.. and I realized.. it's my hair.. my hair is getting really long.. I talked to an old friend on messenger today.This guy I knew from Sask. He was looking at my display pic and going.. who is that? I have changed so much since living there... I had zero confidence.. I had short hair (like an inch) and I was ROUND.
I said something to my roommate about going from a size 20 in April to a buying size 13, a new skirt at Rietman's last week:
she says: "A TWENTY"
I say:"YEA"
her: "But I don't' remember you being fat!"
me :hehehehe"
Sarah:"Not that you were fat"
Jamie: "HAHAHHAHA, I still am"
Coolio
I want to commit more time to studying.. I want to lock myself in the dungeon this next week to really make an effort to do well on my exams... I want to stop being ashamed of my intelligence.
I want to stop being ashamed of my sexuality and body... It is NATURAL for a 24 year old woman to want to practise the biological imperative... constantly.. RIGHT?
I tried on a pair of pants I haven't had on since July... They are loose.. Oh yea baby! I haven't even been "sticking with the program" I am imagining if I did!
I am devising a routine for exam week, I am going to follow that goddamn routine.
I have a 1500 word essay to write tonight.. I have a project to complete tomorrow...
I have secrets... Why do strangers tell me the most intimate details of their life upon first meeting me?
Stop IT!
you are only making yourself more anxious. you are only complicating the situation.... you are not the good person that you pretend to be... you cannot move.. you cannot move!!! you cannot hide..you are an adult now, this is what you wanted.. stop running away like a child! you must face your demons..
YOU must stop being a melodramatic bitch...
why do these people read your words.. is this a glimpse into the reality of your life and mind? or is this just another mask, another layer over your already misconstrued face...
why can't you accept a compliment.. why are you so oblivious to their advances? Why are you so arrogant, and egotistical.. Have you changed? can you change?
1 Comments:
I don't expect you to post this, babe..so I'll tell you what I see..
You're too hard on yourself. You lie to yourself, trying to convince yourself of whatever you think you are, or aren't...and it's because your too easy to analize what should just be accepted..and , you said so yourself, you push away what you know could be good for you, assuming it will end up badly.
Sweetheart, you are wonderful, you are very smart, you are beautiful, body and soul. Just accept these things, why would you wanna change them, or convince yourself otherwise...
Your sitting on the fence, not knowing where you are in life..I've read it here, in a few of your blogs..(didn't go through all of them..just a couple of the recent ones.) You're constantly contradicting yourself...
Babe, I have this odd ability to read things well..Joe (BP) says it scares him..how many things I say come to pass almost exactly as I say it will (actually, he pointed it out to me that I was doing it)and people are included..and I know we've only known eachother for really a handful of days, but I can see there's more to Jamie than Jamie wants to admit, but not as much as she pretends there is.
once again, this is what I see, through all the new and shiny.
I hope this makes sense to you reading all this as it does in my head..
Post a Comment
<< Home