Revelations of the weekend...

In no particular order.

I want to learn more about religion... If it's "Eternity" I think I want to be more informed, crazy idea but eternity is a VERY long time...

I am actually thinking maybe History as a major and religious studies as a minor.. Become a scholar... (OOOOOOOOOOOO AHHHHHHHH)

wouldn't that be cool if I became a historical religious expert...

I know it scares me too.

I want to be swept off my feet by my "prince"... This was concluded after my friend Tasha made a comment along those lines and I found myself crying in the bathroom.

(You can say I told you so... But I was content in my previous ignorance).

I have a pretty awesome brother and if anyone hurts him I may be liable to kill them... No seriously.. The more I get to know the kid the more I suspect that I am actually adopted, my family is so kick ass... He has excellent morals and values, well I guess I do too.. Did I ever tell you that I have awesome parents... a really KICK ASS grandmother... Who I had so much fun visiting on the weekend.. She spoils me rotten!!!!

I have a retarded ego, and I rationalize it by comparing it to my uber egotistical friends... Which isn't logical or reasonable... I also have a lot of friends who feed into that ego... But it sure is great compared to how insecure I used to be.. Though I do have moments of intense self doubt.

I am normal... I am just as fucked up as everyone else... I struggle with making myself a better person daily... I balance out all my self absorption with a strong desire to help others and be self less... Altruistic... (barf gag barf).... This blog thing is really bad for the whole ego and self absorbed bitch thing.. But it's an excellent way for me to vent and try and redeem myself...

I let people get close.. Then I push them away.. I sense the "push people away" mode setting in... Normally this is followed by a pulling them in even closer and then moving away... I can't do this... I wonder if I'll just hibernate for a while... Be a sociable anti-soc.... Find big crowds and slip through them with my "wall"... It's part of why I love moving.. Going to new places where no one knows me and just slide through the crowds... Can you identify with being alone while being surrounded by people???

I miss writing poetry... fromage fromage.

Another revelation I actually am going to investigate further.

I want to see my name on the jacket of a novel.. I want to be an author.. a real author.. There is one genre I have been dabbling in... Perhaps I will obtain a government grant over the summer to write a novel... That could be fun. I will have four university English courses under my belt by then... Maybe my writing won't be so crappy... =)

hanging out with university geeks you hear a lot of "in my soc class, or my psych prof said", and my fave, "in this latest bit of literature I perceived."

I am a pretentious bitch.

I am not going to Ontario for Christmas... I will be responsible (shocking isn't it) and find a job... Devote time to my studies, and do a little traveling to CB.

People don't think the same way I do... No one is perfect, and every day is a struggle.. But in the end the pleasure is worth the pain....