Bubblegum Bitch
Breath IN Breath OUT!
I was filled with a seething rage all day.. I think I am angry at myself and my incompetence at letting people in.. Correction- guys in- I don't let them know, I send off mixed signals and then I wonder why it doesn't work out.
My inability to articulate my irrational emotions is indescribable .
This is a quarter life crisis.. Maybe it's because Month 6 is passing by and I am afraid I am settling. Maybe it's because I met someone who has millions of crushes just like me, and she's nine years older than me. Perhaps it's because I didn't take my vitamins today and I have been eating unhealthy stuff lately. Maybe it's because I realize that I care about him, and he knows it, and it's still ok...Maybe it's because I'm really insane. Perhaps it's because I am alone. Maybe it's because I use the word because too often....
I have a disorganized room, it's not dirty, it's actually rather clean but disorganized.. I can't deal with order.. I know where things are in a crazy pile of clothing but when things are put away somewhere for safe keeping or because they "belong" there I can never find them again. I find comfort in a swirling mess. I am a tornado of Chaos. Perhaps I need to find a job to occupy me. To direct my focus.
Why can't I concentrate, why can't I purge this fire, why am I compelled to destroy anything beautiful in my life.
I lost my faith, which is exhilarating.. It's opens all these new possibilities but right now, until I find something to believe in I feel hopeless.
I am disillusioned.
Watching my professors makes me reconsider my career choice.....
3 Comments:
Yoga breathing...
Now embrace the chaos - look at the passion it causes to arise! To be happy and content makes us boring and a byproduct of the status quo with no stomach for taking the world by the balls and squeezing more out of life. Some of my best moments (and poems) have come out of misery or simply being too pissed off to keep quiet. Anger is an energy - use it girl!
I think that was the last photo I took before I left for BC, interesting choose. I was feeling
incomprehensibly scattered and without wholeness nor happiness, except for the momentary pleasure in enjoying the last car ride with you in the Alero. This photo makes me feel happy to view, almost like I captured the best untruthful moment of enjoyment in that it seems so surreal. Chin up, like the last guy said you get more out of life by meeting it face on and using that energy to get more out of it.
~L
One word T-H-E-R-A-P-Y!!!!!!
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