Running Away Again

Day 1.

I really like him, and I have a lump in my throat.

Don't regret. Life's about lessons. If it's meant to be...

I have arrived in Alberta. Not certain how long I will be here. Not certain I made the right choice. Not certain what I left behind. Not certain of what I may return to, if anything. Where do I begin to look for her? Will she want to see me? Do I want to see what she has become.

Uncertainty... That's been the problem for the last 6 months. I came here for clarity. Or did I? Perhaps I came here to escape.

Gypsy, wanderer, rambling woman, blown by the wind from one end of this country to the other, on a whim.

Is he truly wonderful, or is he wonderful because I only got a glimpse of him and he of I. Searching for his faults, but they only seem to make him more endearing. I made mine obvious, obvious excuses, obvious evidence. Isn't it obvious?

I keep hiding behind shiny.

They say that I'm a heart breaker, and I deny it tooth and nail. Then I see the ones lying in the aftermath. I am a tornado of chaos, swooping in and instigating wild adventures and disorganized everything in my path. I told him I couldn't be his friend, because he told me he loved me. Another friend lost to the cursed "love." It wasn't me, it was the idea of the girl I used to be, why couldn't he see past that.

ps this wasn't supposed to make sense.