Good bye

For now.

I noticed I am off the links bar of a friend's blog, then I looked at when I last posted, I looked at my last failed attempt to post (in the drafts folder of gmail) and realized:

I'm done.


At least it appears that way right now.

Happy New Year! I hope all is well and I might return. But it's doubtful. I had to add yet another task to the adult list this week, and as I whined to my grandmother earlier "I don't want to face the reality that I am indeed an adult."

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what do I say?

where do I go from here?

have I lost my way?

Perhaps I've finally found it.

Maybe I won't.. maybe that's my journey an unending journey of going place to place a nomad.

time.

sorting through.

not open for discussion.

Sometimes I even scare myself.

I can't do it..

I've seen the threads on locals.. Got the chain email.. and I can't read it... I know the brief details some dog was beaten.. Apparently badly but I can't read about it.. There's a lot of stuff I won't read or watch anymore.. I sincerely believe for me.. Ignorance is bliss.. The more I learn the more depressed I become.

I was at my grandmother's for a visit a few weeks ago.. It was lovely.. We heated up some left over ham (so Delicious) and some lovely vegetables and we had a divine meal.Afterwards I was washing the dishes and my grandmother turned on the news.. Within 10 minutes I was crying so hard I couldn't;' even see my hands to wash the next dish.

I won't do it.. I won't become desensitized. I won't buy into the media image of the world is a horrible place and we must hide from one another. I refuse to believe the Hobbes mentality of -people are greedy and will take what they can whenever they can.- I can't accept that.. not when this place exists ( http://www.sevacafe.org/ ) and the Nobel Peace Prize is awarded for this ( http://nobelpeaceprize.org/eng_lau_announce2006.html ).

I'm quitting university. I'm having a mid life crisis. and I refuse to sacrifice myself to hop into this rat race.  I'm bored silly, I've lost my passion and I'd rather keep learning on my own.Maybe I'm just overtired from getting up early to see the doctor.. perhaps I'm just too old for university bullshit...maybe I'm attending the wrong institution...perhaps I'm making a mistake....maybe my greatest life's adventure commences today!

"We must become the change we wish to see in the world" -Gandhi

There is a Halloween party tonight and I'm going as "Jamie Lynn"... No piercings, no hair dye, my boring glasses, no makeup, a light brown skirt, a bright blue shirt and this funky assed jacket... We'll see how I do being "me" for a change.

Bridesmaid!

The wedding was awesome.. I was flying off the handle, but my pre mixed whiskey and cranberry juice helped me to relax.. The other bridesmaid that I had a long standing grudge with pretended we had been best friends forever... so I just played along because I wasn't' causing any drama at Tanya's wedding.

Tanya wore this lovely dress Max's mother had worn in her wedding.  She looked divine as per usual. The other bridesmaid and I ended up matching up well even though we had all been told to buy a 'blue' dress.. the shades actually were well suited.

She was wed beside the newly renovated duck park (wentworth park??) in Sydney.. (I got my period in the car on the way to the ceremony as we were already late) but the ceremony went off beautifully.. The sun was shining and warm.. the justice of the peace was cool, she hugged Tanya and Max when the whole thing was done.. Melissa, Carol and I only cried a wee bit.. it was absolutely gorgeous.

Then we all piled into Carols little Hyundai, raced to the drug store so I could get batteries for my cam and some female stuff then hit the road to New Waterford.


I could tell you a bunch of other things.. like how I bought my shoes 2 hours before the wedding and was putting on Tanya's makeup 30 minutes before the ceremony or how I drank enough liquor to kill most people.. but really all you need to know..is my Tanya married her Max and they will live happily ever after.

They are now out in BC enjoying their honeymoon.  The only girl who felt the same way about men as me.. is married.. wow.

PS

The previous post wasn't me bragging.. Just after reading old blog posts.. I find looking back reminds me of stuff I've done and helps me realize what I'd like to do.. Which is something I hope to focus on this weekend.. My Future..*cue dramatic music*

Ok Paper time!

Quarter of A Century

Well here it is.. I'm 25 years old.. As my mother so eloquently put it earlier.. An antique.

I will be making Roast Chicken, mashed potatoes, squash, baby carrots and broccoli tonight for dinner.Laura was supposed to make me my birthday dinner but the poor darling broke her arm last week.Her and my lovely friend Heather as well as Laura's brother Tom will be joining me on the night of my twenty-fifth year to celebrate over some delicious grub.

Then we are proceeding to the Film Society movie-A Scanner Darkly, followed by some live music in Moncton at the Paramount.I must admit I'm quite excited, we're getting all dolled up and some wonderful friends are meeting us there.

I am so blessed, so absolutely blessed. Sometimes I wonder if this really is my life and how did I end up being so lucky.

I was reading through some posts on the old "Capergrl" blog last night, reminiscing and researching for the wedding this weekend. I have had some rather interesting experiences.

Here's a few (perhaps with age comes lists)

I've piloted a small airplane (well taken over the control from the 'real' pilot, but flew for a while and I have a picture to prove it.)
I've saw the sun rise and set on the Canadian Prairies on numerous occasion.
Ive seen the sun rise and set on both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans.
I've drank Pina Coladas and Margaritas on the beaches of Cancun.
I snorkeled off the beaches off Cancun.
I got to pet a shark that same day.
I have been on planes, trains, buses, boats, ferries in various parts of this country and the one to the south.
I have witnessed some of the greatest bands play some of their greatest songs (IMO of course).
I have rode a horse, an elephant, a donkey and a pig (funny story).
I have visited every province except Newfoundland and spent more then a few days in each.
I have jumped off Marion Bridge.
I have climbed Friar's Nose.
I have driven across the confederation Bridge.
I have seen the green skies of the north.
I have spent many a night gazing at the Northern lights in wonder.
I have swam in Lake Superior.
I've driven a combine, quad, tractor, grain truck, snow mobile.
I taught a woman her alphabet, and how to write her name.
I attended the Calgary Stampede.
I've rolled up quite a few Hot Air balloons.
I've been to Disney World and Sea World.
I wandered around Anne's Green Gables.
I visited the Parliament Buildings in Fredericton, Charlottetown, Victoria, Regina and Ottawa.

and a zillion other cool things.. But I must get back to my philosophy paper-no rest for the wicked *grin*

In case I can't get online while I'm away. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM- SUNDAY!

Today is my birthday.. and my deepest wish that each and everyone of you has a spectacular day!

*MUAH*

25 Revelations of 25 years

25. Maybe it's time to stop dying my hair
24. Maybe I will never be a size 7 again.
23. I don't want to be a university professor anymore.
22. I don't know what I want to be when "I grow up" anymore.
21. 25 is a "grown up"
20. I hate living alone.
19. Maybe I should get laser eye surgery.
18. Maybe there isn't "someone special" for me.
17. Maybe I'm not cut out for university at all.
16. I miss Moncton.
15. I miss my family.
14. I hate being ill all the time.
13. I only feel 'alive' at metal shows.
12. Maybe I'm not meant to do anything 'great'
11. I don't want kids.
10. I don't want to own a home and settle down.
9.   I don't have a 'green thumb'
8.   I've still never been 'in love'
7.   I hate that  ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
6.   I still want to run away.
5.   Maybe I should finally write a book.
4.   Life isn't as easy as I like to make it out to be.
3.   My family and friends kicks ass.
2.  I don't know what I yearn for, but I yearn..
1.   I'm still in love with life.

Nadda

I don't regret and this is one reason why.

I had a wild weekend with Vixen. I have bruises on top of bumps and scramps on top of scratches. I beat the bassist of Skinless to become teh Intergender Skinless Wrestling Champion.

I climbed a fence and caught my skirt on the way down ripping it..oh well. I bought the dress for Tanya's wedding and got some shoes for free. (score)

I think I found a ride to Truro so now I only have to hitchhike to Sydney... err I mean...

I had breakfast with 3 Inches of Blood this morning.. Nice fellows.

And I am on my way to catch the bus back home so I can start my philosophy paper.