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I now know what's wrong and I am working on a plan to deal with it.

Loads of updates soon. Big changes have been made and more are to come.

Thanks to everyone who has worried *MUAH*

Loud music and cleaning supplies

Tonight after school I am coming home, having supper a quick nap and a hot date with some heavy metal. I want to clean my apartment. I want to sort through my clothes that no longer fit me. I want to scrub my bathtub. I am going to get rid of the ugly kitchen table and chairs.

Then I am going to light a bunch of candles curl up in my bed with some hot chocolate and read my English novel for the second time. Then I can get up tomorrow morning and write my essay. I enjoy reading, I enjoy writing. I have turned school into a chore and something I dread.

NO MORE!

I love school. I want to do this and I want to do well. I must quit stressing myself out. I know if I clean like a madwoman it will relax me. One month and I am finished my first year of university.

St Patty's DAY

Face Lift

I've changed....

I have become comfortable in my skin... I recognize the changes in my body from the weight loss, I love my long black hair.. I am reassessing my diet and study habits to make myself even better.

Now if only I could decide how to spend the summer.

Alberta?
Nova Scotia?
New Brunswick?

Do I attend Ozzfest with my boys?

I have a really long post coming.. In the meantime.. Funny story for you

there was this boy that I wanted to date, we've been hanging out off and on since November.. I went to see his band 3 weeks ago and told him I wanted to date him... He was really wishy washy..

I got fed up with his indecisiveness and deleted and blocked him form my messenger and decided I wasn't' going to have anything to do with him anymore. He then sends me a random message on Myspace and I in a girly time of the month rage re-added him to messenger told him I was going to claw out his eyes and feed them to my cat and give his nose to my puppy as a chew toy. His response "I am sorry for any inconvenience I have caused you" I am certain any other guy would've said "Fuck off you sketchy Bitch." Too bad he doens't realize we'd be perfect together.

"He's not ready for a serious relationship"

Why couldn't he have just said that three weeks ago... MEN!

Did I tell y'all about my upcoming wedding?

Stories

I have been doing a lot of writing lately and have been meaning to update and I have loads of exciting things to tell you and I broke down a and went to see the school counselor because I felt bad dumping all my crap on my friends and I feel much better and I am no where near as weird as I thought I am and I have become much better at expressing myself and setting boundaries now if only I could focus more on school and stop procrastinating.. I will do a better update later with much more punctuation but this is literally what I am thinking as I type this

much love

-Jamie

So about that...

"Believe me, if I started killing there would be none of you left"
--Charles Manson

This is why I haven't updated.. If I started updating I wouldn't stop.. I have so many jumbled thoughts, so many bizarre things have happens and I can't even begin to describe my mental state.

This is to let you know I am not in a room with padded walls. That I am handling things as always, I just keep going, because I can't let my jumbled thoughts catch up and overwhelm me.

Though I do want to share my super fun experiences from last week. I have too much free time to think on Sundays. Thanks fo reveryone who has been so supportive to me.

My parents 29th wedding anniversary was yesterday.


Ryan's 25th birthday is today.. I am scared to call him.